I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
