what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
