a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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