Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
