I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize