I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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