I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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