I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
