I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
