He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
