I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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