youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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