dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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