put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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