its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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