There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have post one night stand depression
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
