I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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