i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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