is your mom at the bar?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
