my being single is dangerous.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
