At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
