I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
