and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
