Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
