I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize