you have to choose: penises or morals?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
