i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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