Nicole vs. Life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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