i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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