On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
