There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
