After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
