the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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