the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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