you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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