i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
