He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
