Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
