The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
