Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
