It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Couch. On fire.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
