I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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