You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize