I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
