If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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