Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize