"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
