i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
