Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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