Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
40s are totally the cure
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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