So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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