I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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