just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
