Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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