he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
