Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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