She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
