when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
