just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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