I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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