wakey wakey hands off snakey
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
