I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
