I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
