i was born a porn star she said
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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