I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
