just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
