i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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